LiveBlog – Episode 4  

"Rise of the Dark Knight"

MJ Saltimbocca

PROGRAMMING NOTE:  ** This Live Blog is a few days late, but it’s my first week on the staff.  Cut me some slack here.  In the future, these are going to hit on Thursday morning after each episode. **

House Time

• Dance party montage to open the episode!  Dustin does a swan dive off a yacht!  Welcome back to Turkey, baby! 
• Trishelle is chatting it up with Knight and conspiring against Nany.  My girl Trishelle has been EVERYWHERE this season.  Little too visible for my tastes, she’s got a target on her back.
• Frank gives us an overview of the alliance which includes Cancun, San Diego, New Orleans and sort of Vegas.  If you’re wondering, yes, that is virtually every team.  My man Frank doesn’t seem to know how alliances work.  This is more of a world-peace strategy than a winning-domination strategy.  What’s going to happen in two weeks, Frank?  What would Wes do? 
• Knight makes the first of what should be many dastardly justifying the name of the episode – Rise of the Dark Knight.  He throws a number of people’s luggage and clothes in the pool for apparently no reason.  He’s clearly drunk but it’s unclear whether that’s the driver.
• For those of you who aren’t overly familiar, Knight is a kind-of-fat piece of garbage who mumbles everything and wields a level of confidence that has no basis.  Quick actual dialogue:







Knight, taking a soak.

• Camilla:  You’re a piece of dirt, you’re a loser!
• Knight:  (mumbling while skulking around) You’re an idiot, in this game, you’re an idiot.
• Big Easy fishes the clothes out with a skimmer.  Dustin comes out with a shower cap and declares it a team building exercise.  This is a strange, strange season.

Team Challenge

• The challenge for the day is unveiled by TJ – basically each team has two members holding a basket from a platform.  The other teams can fill the baskets with rocks until it’s too heavy for the holders.  Last team standing wins. 
• TJ declares that there are “7 teams and 7 holes”, and I have to admit it makes me a bit uncomfortable.  

What's the head-count fellas?

• Trey, of St. Thomas, refuses to make a strategic play because he’s too honorable.  Needless to say Trey and Alton wouldn’t make for a riveting Stratego match.  It’s like they’ve never seen the show before.
• The Alliance targets poor Brooklyn again. Since the alliance is every team but Brooklyn and Fresh Meat, this was something of a fait accompli.  So, Brooklyn will be in the bottom and be in The Arena.
• This challenge couldn’t be more boring, especially with the Alliance just slowly filling baskets according to a strategic plan.  Show runners need to raise their game.
• Big Easy is the next target and is holding his basket by himself.  He goes into a crouch position like he’s at a public restroom that hasn’t converted to the disposal covers system.  Apparently this was an impressive display, and it turned Devyn on.  E has to see this as a win.  Is Trim-Easy a competitor?  Every time he does something good he follows it up with something pathetic.
• Zach from San Diego is a gargantuan man, but in this challenge he hilariously struggled.  This thing is a hernia waiting to happen.
• Aaaand, the Alliance is breaking down.  The plan seems to be that once the targets were eliminated the Alliance teams would just go at their own pace and whoever wins, wins.  Terrible plan.  All the Alliance teams start accusing the others of manipulating the process in this stupid basket challenge.  Frank:The Alliance::Wilson:League of Nations.  Sorry, kid.

Selection of the Arena Team

• Commercial break:  apparently Trojan is putting out a condom called “Trojan: Charged Orgasmic Pleasure.”  Seems to take a lot of responsibility out of the hands of the condom wielder.
• Cancun won the challenge so they will choose a team to face Brooklyn in The Arena elimination challenge.  They propose to St. Thomas (another Alliance team) that they throw them in to clear out the weaker two.   Why would St. Thomas EVER agree to this?  
• Knight:  “Marie is again acting like a wild wildebeest.” 

• No surprise, Cancun is sending in Big Easy and Camila – the last remnants of Fresh Meat.
• There’s an amazing post-selection argument between Chet and CJ from Cancun.  CJ tells Chet that, even though he keeps sending Brooklyn into the Arena, he’s proud of Chet for the way he’s competing.  Amazing.  CJ strikes me as one of these dudes who’s been too good looking his whole life so he doesn’t realize people might hate him.

Club Night / Fight Night

• Ah, a long-awaited club night!  When you think Turkey, who doesn’t think wild clubbing?
• Devyn is telling Big Easy that she gets excited to see him coming to breakfast in the morning.  This thing might be for real, people.  We’re looking at marriage here.
• Camila gets a little drunk and chastising all the rookies for playing the strategy game instead of actually competing.  Somehow Devyn gets pissed and starts screaming bloody murder.  Whoa.
• Somewhere in there Knight drops the C-word and Nany is VERY upset.  Why was Knight even involved in this fight?  The whole world turns on Knight very quickly.  Oh boy, c-word again.
• Some not-so-great editing here by MTV.  Somehow this turned into a Nany v. Knight fight at an intensity level that it caused Nany’s heart and mind to break simultaneously.  Nany wants to go home.  Rookies, dude, pathetic.  Dustin is trying to clean it up by using his boyfriend voice.  I must say, impressive work by Dustin.  His boyfriend voice is hypnotic.  It’s like an outtake from Dustin’ The Pipes.
• Knight is in a lawn chair post-fight waxing philosophical about how this is all part of his grand design to psychologically manipulate everyone in the house.  Can anyone imagine that being true - that Knight isn’t just an asshole, he’s doing all of this to eliminate people?  What do we think, 15% chance?

Pre- Elimination

• Knight wakes up sober and has zero regrets.  Have to respect that on some level.  I wake up on non-drinking Tuesdays with regrets.
• Devyn and E are having a fight because she refused to disclose the age of her oldest paramour.  A couple of thoughts here – 1) Easy must be out of his goddam mind to have this fight, why does he care????, and 2) under/over 82 on Devyn’s oldest ex?  I think it’s over.  God bless her.
• Devyn - “Easy is just scared that when I go back to New York and he goes back to Kentucky that this won’t work.”  Does Devyn realize the absurdity of this?  No sign.
• Knight brokers a make-up between Devyn and Eric.  Knight had a helluva episode here tonight. 

"I'm the most manipulative person in this house, I'm going to F%$K everyone's mind."

The Arena

•  Running out of time, it looks like this is going to carry over to the next episode.
• Devyn volunteers to go into the Arena – she really had to because Sarah already did, but MTV made a big deal of it.  Now that Devyn and E will both be in the elimination, one has to go home.  Don’t worry guys, you’re both terrible.  The other one will be on the next flight out when they’re eliminated in episode 5. 

Does this look like a man who should be interrogating you about your ex-boyfriends?

• So, next week will open with Brooklyn v. Fresh Meat in a Mental elimination challenge. What could go wrong?