Trivia Question – Who’s a Big Fat Quitter?

Episode 5

By:  MJ Saltimbocca

Easy, I liked you more when you were fat but had integrity.

Elimination

If you’re a fan of Brazilian estrogen explosions, ignominious failure or near-death trivia penalties, this was a good day for you.

Episode 5 began with the elimination challenge from last week, and featured Brooklyn’s Devyn and JD versus Fresh Meat’s Big Easy and Camilla in a “mental” game.  Our friends at MTV connected the teams by a pulley with one member completing a budget memory puzzle while the other member intentionally drowns himself by being hung from a yardarm.  Extra points for creativity this week.

Big Easy has had some strange moments this Challenge.  He inexplicably dry heaved and fell from a suspended beam a few weeks ago.  He proved startlingly good at lifting boulders in a basket with his leg muscles last week.  And this week, he suffered what appears to have been a Vietnam flashback which forced him to quit rather than dunk his head under water. 

Fortunately, Eric’s partner Camilla was really supportive.

“You’re a disgrace to the human kind.” – Camilla

"I don't have a partner because I don't align myself with quitters."  Is it just me or is Camilla's ability to speak English really inconsistent?

Camilla reacted to Big Easy’s resignation by going through all the stages of grief in rapid succession.  She denied the resignation – trying to climb the puzzle board herself and insisting that the game continue, sobbed uncontrollably, and furiously chewed out Easy with a tirade so abusive that Trischelle was offended.  This is the same Trishchelle who slept with Steven during her Las Vegas season.  I presumed she was incapable of being offended.

In a rare bit of editorializing, TJ used the transitive property to tell Easy he hates him.  TJ – “The one thing I hate in life is quitters.”  Ouch.  The Sack hit the nail on the head in his analysis last night (see previous post) – Big Easy should be banned from future challenges for this stunt.  Love or hate Camilla, she’s a goddam warrior.  I hope her endorsement deal for Proactiv solution works out. (Burn.)

For his part, Easy buried his head in Devyn’s admittedly ample bosom and probably called his agent to pitch a reality show following his relationship with Devyn in Kentucky.  Does anyone think it’s conceivable that these two are in a relationship right now?  There’s a better chance that Devyn has already married a geriatric billionaire, killed him, and retired to brownstone in Park Slope.

Thank god the Challenge has exorcised the awfulness that was team Fresh Meat.  They were a flaming ball of negativity from Jump Street. 

"Okay, Cara - start unpredictably crying.  Brando - start complaining halfway through and sulking.  Easy - find a way to epic-fail in a way that makes people question whether you have Lou Gehrig's disease.  Ready, break!"

Team Challenge

Today’s team challenge is a mild variation on the traditional trivia game where answering a question incorrectly results in you being dropped from an outrageous height into the ocean (this is a Sack favorite).  This challenge typically reveals that some of our heroes are incredibly stupid and occasionally results in absurd injuries.  Last time around Dustin got a booboo on his knee and had to go home.  Aneesa had a spectacular breakdown in the Dominican Republic that fans may remember because she almost drowned.  This year the penalty drop forces you to land on your head.  TJ is so excited to be hosting this game that it makes me excited.

Sara (Bklyn) apparently loves trivia so much that she has “trivia master” on her business card next to “speaker” and “artist.”  Sara, sweetie, I love you.  But get a goddam job.

A sample of some of the stupidity:  Laura – “I don’t really know anything about the oceans.”  Jasmine – “I took AP Geography” immediately before not being able to name the capital of England.  Wow.

Nothing to recap here.  San Diego won in a walk.  New Orleans lost.

With Fresh Meat gone, the only non-Alliance team left is Brooklyn.  After tinkering with the idea of throwing an Alliance team into the elimination  - which would have been great for the game – San Diego played it safe and sent in poor Brooklyn with their elimination super-team Sarah and Chet.

Elimination Challenge

This was a terrifying elimination because McKenzie was on the chopping block.  If we lose McKenzie at this stage, there is really no female eye candy remaining unless you’re a Nany fan.  Or if you have some kind of Jemmye fetish, and if that’s the case you should be on some kind of watch list, because she’s horrendous. 

San Diego chooses the “endurance” Arena game where the teams compete under wires to send as many balls along the wires to the other side. Fortunately for New Orleans, Preston and McKenzie are really tall.  Unfortunately, Preston is superbly unathletic.

Brooklyn kicked the crap out of New Orleans.  Preston almost passed out.  McKenzie is going home and she’s taking the hearts and minds of the male Challenge fan with her.

Brooklyn is looking awfully feisty this year.  They are one of these challenge teams that goes into elimination after elimination and is battle-hardened.  Chet has been performing like a man, which is surprising considering he wears pastel bow ties and combs his hair like it’s 1957.

The two remaining players for New Orleans are Jemmye and Knight – the lovebirds.  Over under 1.5 episodes until they are dispatched?